How many times have you felt like you were caught in the fight that never came to an end?
It all seemed to start off with something so minor, and now she has blown it up into your past 10 infractions, infractions that you didn’t even know were possible.
Have you had those fights with her where you felt like you were being convicted without even going through a fair trial?
Here are seven ways you can stop those fights in their tracks and still come away the innocent party. In some cases, they will even help you avoid the fight altogether.
1. Use the word “beautiful,” not “cute”.
She relegates cute for kittens and bunnies, but when you tell her she is beautiful, it makes her stop whatever she is doing, even if she is mad at you.
This makes her feel worshipped. Women want to be prettier than other girls, but they want YOU to think she is beautiful. And you do. So when she’s mad at you, remind her.
She may respond with, “Well, that’s very nice, but I’m still mad at you,” but at least you have softened her next sting, if not thwarted it all together.
2. Never compare her to another woman, unless you are saying she is prettier.
The last thing she wants to hear is how your fights with your ex never got this ugly. But as the aforementioned tip suggested, she does want to hear that she is prettier.
Use your common sense with this one. You can stop a fight in its track by complimenting her in some way that supersedes every other woman you have known, including your mother.
You can make it worse by, you guessed it, comparing her to your mother.
3. Give her a hug.
You can take this gesture up a notch by being a Superman in your approach and lifting her up and squeezing her in an embrace that tells her this silly fight just isn’t worth it.
She wants you to be her prince; she is with you because you make her feel safe and make her feel like there are no problems in her world.
So be that person for her when problems pop up, and a hug or an embrace will alleviate the situation immediately by showing her that you are in it together with her, not without her.
4. Put on oven mitts.
This is a trick recommended by Dr. O’Hanlon, a marriage therapist that regularly advises Oprah Winfrey in her relationship advice work.
He claims that you can diffuse a fight instantly when you both put on oven mitts.
This symbolizes boxing mitts, but it puts some merriment on the situation that neither one of you will be expecting mid-fight.
The break in pattern from your usual fighting routine sends the message to your brain about the significance of what you are fighting about. Does it all seem ridiculous now?
Then it probably is, and the fight can be thwarted in its tracks. Dr. O’Hanlon claims it works every time.
5. Go to bed angry.
The common saying that the best relationships are saved when you can resolve problems before you call it a night is no longer the case, at least according to Debbie Mandel, author of Addicted to Stress.
Stop the fight in its tracks by putting a pin in it until tomorrow. Give yourselves both time to process and think things through and deal with it again after a good night’s sleep.
If the problem is big enough, you can both tackle it together in the morning. If it’s not, you will both realize that the next day when you try to resume the situation.
6. You never think about her.
You might even think of someone else more. If you don’t think about her, don’t think that you are hiding it well. You aren’t. She knows.
And if you think the relationship is going to last, it won’t. Nip this in the bud, especially if someone else is clouding your thoughts more. It’s your life, your happy life, go after it.
7. Agree with her.
AKA, Confess to your part of it. This will be the thing she is least expecting, which is one reason why it is so successful. No fight is a one-sided problem; every party plays his or her role.
Fights usually get uglier once both parties begin detouring it with each other’s long list of faults.
Melody Brooke, licensed relationship therapist and author of The Blame Game, says that this is the hardest part of any fight, but the quickest way to nip it in the bud.
It’s all she wants to hear is an apology. If that’s the quickest way to end it, why are you waiting? And if you think she owes you one too, guess what?
Your chances of getting one will increase when you take that first step. She will feel badly herself and be that much more likely to apologize to you for blowing it out of control.
The bottom line when it comes to fighting with the woman that you love is that your best tactical defense is to put yourself in her shoes and do whatever you can to diffuse the situation as quickly as possible.
Whether that’s a simple hug, putting a pin on it until the morning, or fighting with oven mitts, the mere act of taking charge will stop the fight in its tracks.
Ask yourself some questions as you choose your options.
Do you want to be right? Or do you want there to be in peace? What would you want her to do in the situation? Say, “I’m sorry”? Try something silly to make you laugh and forget it for a minute?
Show her what a real man you are by making your love and respect for her more important than your silly fight.
Not only will you stop the fight in its tracks, but you might also have stopped a few more from happening in the future